as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
