I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
