I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
