so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
