So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
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the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
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If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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