we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
