I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
