Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
