Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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