We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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