Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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