yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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