So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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