Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
