youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
