How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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