when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
