forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
