You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
