I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
