I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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