So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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