The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
