Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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