So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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