my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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