look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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