Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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