The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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