I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
