I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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