I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
