I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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