Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?