My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
