youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.