Texts From Last Night

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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.

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  (515): Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!! (1-515): Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states. http://tfl.nu/ptk3
  Replies (53) Good night (7358) Bad night (997)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

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  (206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght
  Replies (16) Good night (5831) Bad night (1122)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.

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  (210): He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax. http://tfl.nu/uaku
  Replies (14) Good night (1352) Bad night (7914)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.

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  (309): And whoever invented the condom should be put to death. http://tfl.nu/pkgn
  Replies (81) Good night (1345) Bad night (10249)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  she used her one phone call to ask me about my day

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  (712): she used her one phone call to ask me about my day http://tfl.nu/55gn
  Replies (19) Good night (5065) Bad night (1323)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.

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  (989): It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here. http://tfl.nu/e0yb
  Replies (6) Good night (3374) Bad night (1249)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.

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  (705): I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard. http://tfl.nu/825y
  Replies (2) Good night (1201) Bad night (813)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?

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  (970): Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears? http://tfl.nu/m0sz
  Replies (4) Good night (860) Bad night (1129)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Challenge accepted

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  (610): The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar (614): Challenge accepted http://tfl.nu/nyy2
  Replies (3) Good night (893) Bad night (431)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!

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  (904): They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??! http://tfl.nu/4zc8
  Replies (4) Good night (842) Bad night (436)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  We have your weave and dirt in our room.

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  (508): We have your weave and dirt in our room. http://tfl.nu/h7mw
  Replies (3) Good night (349) Bad night (559)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water

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  (614): You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water http://tfl.nu/21tc
  Replies (1) Good night (1282) Bad night (395)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.

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  (928): My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left. http://tfl.nu/85y4
  Replies (2) Good night (603) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical

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  (860): He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical http://tfl.nu/bb5y
  Replies (2) Good night (774) Bad night (274)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.

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  (978): I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar. http://tfl.nu/13q9
  Replies (0) Good night (526) Bad night (232)

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