my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.