Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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