I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was