i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.