Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.

  (1-614): View more from Ohio

  I had better be fucking involved with step four.

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  (614): Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez. (1-614): I had better be fucking involved with step four. http://tfl.nu/poz4
  Replies (46) Good night (5429) Bad night (971)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.

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  (702): the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral. http://tfl.nu/20j6
  Replies (7) Good night (792) Bad night (6623)
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  (949): View more from California

  It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth

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  (949): It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth http://tfl.nu/i6ri
  Replies (8) Good night (667) Bad night (3691)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.

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  (410): I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think. http://tfl.nu/cvjv
  Replies (16) Good night (4346) Bad night (1406)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...

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  (614): she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean... http://tfl.nu/ja4j
  Replies (23) Good night (818) Bad night (4085)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..

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  (814): he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth.. http://tfl.nu/cpmo
  Replies (37) Good night (7389) Bad night (2154)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever

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  (778): we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever http://tfl.nu/5buf
  Replies (8) Good night (4145) Bad night (924)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.

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  (262): Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole. http://tfl.nu/sreo
  Replies (21) Good night (1163) Bad night (5223)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.

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  (256): The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire. http://tfl.nu/a418
  Replies (3) Good night (1012) Bad night (2361)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..

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  (608): On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me.. http://tfl.nu/zeud
  Replies (1) Good night (1948) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator

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  (507): I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator http://tfl.nu/y7bc
  Replies (4) Good night (1558) Bad night (548)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.

  (214): View more from Texas

  You need to calm down.

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  (254): It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time. (214): You need to calm down. http://tfl.nu/qlou
  Replies (1) Good night (757) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?

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  (801): Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth? http://tfl.nu/nqhu
  Replies (1) Good night (289) Bad night (570)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?

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  (720): Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night? http://tfl.nu/17tx
  Replies (0) Good night (353) Bad night (213)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Rodger that.

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  (757): Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again. (931): Rodger that. http://tfl.nu/w7uc
  Replies (3) Good night (383) Bad night (145)

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