we're chasing vodka with high fives
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
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My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake