Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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