i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
