i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
