Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
