I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
