he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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