my vag is so smooth its legendary
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
