There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
