I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize