you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
