Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
