I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
