I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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