I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
