After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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