i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
