the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
