Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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