True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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