it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
