Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
