Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
