I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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