this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
