I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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