she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want to fling myself into the sun
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
