yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
