Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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