eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
