I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So much rum. So many feels.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
