Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
