So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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