Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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