We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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