can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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