when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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