i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
