Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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