I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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