He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
