Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
