So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
