I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
