I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
