6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
