you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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