Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
