I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
