he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
