I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
