im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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