Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
